Thursday, May 16, 2013

The trouble with unlimited possibilities

So here's my lot in life:
  • I come from a broken home but I quite like the way it's been 'mended' and grafted and reshaped.
  • I've always been fairly well entrenched in the middle of middle class. 
  • I'm a fairly smart cookie and particularly well educated. 
  • At the moment I live pay check by pay check and contract by contract but I'm never more than vaguely worried that I won't be able to keep a roof over our heads or food on the table (or floor in Dear Boy's case).
  • Very few people that I've known and loved have died in my lifetime.
  • Lovely Husband is not at all sentimental or flowery with his words but I know he loves me immensely.
  • Lovely Husband, Dear Boy and I all have our health. 
  • I set my sights on the world and went out into it all by myself even though I was afraid.
  • I am not hideously ugly.
  • I am pretty much limited only by my own imagination, motivation and desire.
So here's my difficulty:
  • (Almost) unlimited possibilities - 'almost' because let's face it, I'm not built for basketball or ballet. 
Boo hoo, right?

I know. If this is the worst the world throws at me I will be a contented lady all my life. I know I could do just about anything I set my mind to, so what do I set my mind to? I've never really had a burning passion in my life to do just one thing, that one thing that I couldn't live without being or doing. I do what I do now well but I could be doing other things just as well. 

I thought I wanted to be a journalist. That's what I originally studied, and while I studied I volunteered in a newsroom and did the shit gopher jobs, attending all the press conferences to record sound bites when no-one else wanted to go (NB. getting a usable quote from a basketballer, a footballer or a soccer player is like pulling teeth - big fat decayed teeth with long, long roots). I started my own shifts in my Honours year, working weekends and trawling through the media releases, sitting with one ear always turned to the emergency services scanners, to the sports scores running along the bottom of the TV screen. I was good at it, apart from a few hiccups with the technology. I wrote good copy. I developed the voice (serious with a smile for one station, light with a rictus grin for the other). But I just didn't like it that much. Sure it had its moments where I was sitting there going 'hell yeah!' but I didn't like being the bearer of bad news. I didn't like being alone in a sound proof booth with all the misery of the world. So I started my PhD.

Veni, vidi vici and all that. Been there, done that; what's next? How long do you keep doing something you're good at when it's not really something you're passionate about?

It comes down to that old quote, doesn't it? What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

How am I working to overcome this difficulty? Well, I'm not sure. For the moment I am holding steady; I am looking around and trying to get a sense if there's something else I want to do more. So far, nothing has jumped up to say hello. I am trying new things on a small scale. So who knows, maybe something there will spring out and make me burn to be and do just that. 

1 comment :

  1. I so get this!! Although I do love my job I'm often looking around the corner wondering "what's next?" How hard can it be to be happy with our lot in life?? I really wish I could find that burning passion but currently I'm moderately keen on too many things :)


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